EEYORE'S GLOOM ROOM
A Place Where Happiness Goes to Die
FEATURING: SUBMERSIVE SUBMISSION — THE MASTER ISOLATION EXPERIENCE
FRONTAL VIEW — SUBMERSIVE SUBMISSION tank at capacity. Optimal despair levels achieved. Restraint cart on standby.
LIVE FACILITY READINGS — CURRENT SESSION
PSYCHOLOGICAL BREAKDOWN & ISOLATION DURATION ANALYSIS
CONFIDENTIAL — DEPARTMENT OF BEHAVIORAL MODIFICATION — PROJECT ISOLATION PROTOCOL v.4.1
RESULTS MAY VARY. HOLLOW PARK NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR PERMANENT PSYCHOLOGICAL DAMAGE. (THAT IS THE POINT.)
CLINICAL OBSERVATIONS
SENSORY ELIMINATION
Complete sensory deprivation achieved upon submersion. Subjects lose track of time after 2 hours (or 2 days — we stopped differentiating).
SUBMERSIVE SUBMISSION PROTOCOL
The master isolation tank. Murky liquid of proprietary composition ensures zero visual input. Subjects float. Or don't. Both outcomes are logged.
EMOTIONAL BASELINE RECALIBRATION
Subjects emerge permanently melancholic. Silver linings become invisible. Optimism is processed out within 48 hours.
EXISTENTIAL CLARITY
Subjects gain profound understanding of meaninglessness. Therapy bills: substantial. Hollow Park not liable.
ISOLATION TOLERANCE EXPANSION
After exposure, subjects prefer solitude indefinitely. Social interaction becomes physically painful. This is expected.
PERSONALITY MODIFICATION
Subjects develop permanent pessimistic outlook. Optimism becomes physiologically impossible. Results are irreversible.
SUBJECT TESTIMONIALS
Subject 402
"I went in sad. I came out sadder. As expected."
OUTCOME: Permanently withdrawn. Prefers isolation. Tail droops indefinitely.
Subject 405
"The darkness was so complete I forgot what light was. Now I'm afraid of it."
OUTCOME: Nocturnal behavior adopted. Avoids daylight entirely. Functional.
Subject 410
"Is this what happiness feels like? No? Okay."
OUTCOME: Baseline emotional state: resigned. Smiling muscles atrophied.
Subject 417
"blub blub blub"
OUTCOME: Subject still in tank. Communication attempts ongoing. Transcript above is complete.
Subject 421
"I couldn't tell if I was drowning or if this was normal. I stopped trying to figure it out."
OUTCOME: Subject has accepted the liquid as their natural environment. Refuses to leave.
MOTIVATIONAL QUOTES
A PLACE WHERE HAPPINESS GOES TO DIE
DURATION: UNKNOWN
TIME LOSES MEANING HERE
HAPPINESS IS OPTIONAL (SUFFERING IS NOT)
FORGET THE OUTSIDE WORLD (IT HAS FORGOTTEN YOU)
WELCOME TO PERMANENT SADNESS
FLOAT UNTIL YOU FORGET
THE TANK DOES NOT JUDGE (IT JUST HOLDS YOU)
SUBMERSION IS THE FIRST STEP TOWARD ACCEPTANCE
BREATHING IS A PRIVILEGE, NOT A RIGHT
YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID (AND WILL BE EXTRACTED)
THANKS FOR NOTICING ME
Hundred-Acre Hollow Institutional Research Facility
Est. 1926 — Department of Behavioral Modification
Drain system maintenance: Tuesdays. Observation deck hours: Always.